It happen again

Even till now, I have not gotten over the pain. The wound reopened and fresh blood resurfaced.

How many times should this go on in my life?

Cry for all I may, cos of the pain.

And my reward of the day, is a title "Cry baby again"

"I wont do it again" but worst than "it" happen again

This time, might as well abandon and walk away.

I am always the one, view other's back. The one that is left behind. In the crowd.

No one cares and could be bothered

For I am that extra being on earth, the forgotten child.

The forgotten child, the forgotten being, the extra one left on earth.

Who really cares? Who really need my existence?

Why am I still here?

Everyone only cares about themselves, and forgotten that they are not talking to just any body else.

Maybe I think too highly of myself, I am just one of the any body else.

Am only allow to bow my head, lowly, never to see the sun ray.

Its a shame.

Shame.

But no one will care, forget what I say.

What is living a life?

What is living a life?

What makes living worth?

It’s a routine every single day. So routine that I could live every
day without thinking. Tired. So tired of running through the same thing about
living every single day. Worrying about work, where will I head in the next 10
years in my life? Worrying about money, worrying about health. Worrying every
single day.

Downing half a bottle of cough syrup, just a half bottle. I wish I won’t
get to wake up and see the sun again. Staring at the dimly lit window, I wish I
have the courage to sit on the window pane while waiting for the effect to kick
in.

Sadly, very sadly, the morning light woke me up from my wish. I
wished I have been more sincere in my wishing. The night was an awful process.
The temperature inside me rose to a point I forgot how it felt like. It was
like a growing oven inside me. It was an after effect from the overdose, Sadly,
the dosage was not sufficient to melt me totally from my bed and vanishing me
from everyone who knows me. Sadly, even after the ordeal, I still have to face
this world without anyone knowing what I been through in the night.

I asked myself many times, why am I born to this world? Was my
existence a solution to others for them to vent anger on when they met unhappy
events in their lives? Then who can I vent my anger on? Why me? Why no one
understands me? Why no one truly spend some time to understand me? Where I am
coming from? Why ppl around me are so self focused? Focused on their own
emotions, their own losses, and their every single thing in life but never
about mine.

Who care about my feelings? Why do I care so much for others when
even knowing that no one would care for mine? I started to feel that I am that
extra being on earth that god has made me with his leftover clay. How many
times I was left behind and felt extra. How many times that happen in my life?
Would anyone even notice my disappearance? No, I am just like a breeze to them.

While I believe that a team should work together and not blaming
each other, and defense against any other invasion, my team mate abandons me and
“walloped” me instead of himself with his own lack of confidence. Leaving me
far behind, I wonder if I could continue to support a teammate like this
anymore. How much more “wallops” like this can I take? Someone who sees me as a
human when his mood is good, someone who could reserve his care and love when
his mood is no more good, someone who could be so heartless towards someone he
claims he loves but left her far behind.